The Perfectly Designed Man for You
Pam Jones is a writer and founding owner of
River & Word Magazine, Houston, Texas.
Pam Jones blogs writings are known across the
social media, and in the River & Word Magazine.
She is often asked to write reviews for authors,
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Notice that my title didn't say a perfect man, but rather a perfectly designed man for you. Why? There are no perfect beings. God has created a man for His daughter's, but we will tend to create a fantasy relationship or we don't wait on God to finish us or finish our designed man. Often times we, as women, tend to chase after a fantasy that didn't exist. Yes we do! OK here is some realities, you see this guy that you find attractive, you go out to dinner and he has horrible table manners, that make you sick to your stomach. In the pursuit of a man, you decide that it is OK that he has horrible table manners. Second date, you are at the movies, and he will talk all the way through it and annoys you to no good end. You say, well at least he took me to the movies. Third date, he wants you to pay half, because he is broke, but you said OK everyone has a tough time. Fourth date, he wants you to pick him up, because he had to take the rental car back. You say, OK it was sweet that he rented a car to take me out...can I stop now?
In the bible, God's men that took a wife were loaded! He was able to afford a wife, in fact, the bible tells a man to take off for one year to cheer his wife up. A man that is broke can't take off you for 1 year! I have heard preacher's testify of how broke they were when they got married, even to the point of having lights and water turned off. He should have not been selfish to take a wife when he knew he could not keep her. When a man takes a woman from her family and marries her, he should keep her at the level her father kept her or even higher.
In the bible, men were not allowed to have a wife he couldn't keep. Marriage is hard enough, but to add a broke man to the equation is not cool. Before the offense comes in and clouds your judgment, I am not against being broke, we all will face trails in life. I am just letting the truth be known from God's word, to help women stop marrying the wrong guy. I did it, so I can talk about it, now that I know better.
Let's look at the word of God for proof:
Deuteronomy 24:5
When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
The truth shall set you free! Think about this, a woman use to stay with her parents until a man called on her and asked her hand in marriage. She was young, been under her parents and a virgin. Being taking away is scary, saddening and a major adjustment. A woman will need to be cheered up.
Here is some more truth about a man being wealthy enough to afford to take a wife...
The Lord gave Abram wealth; And I (God) will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. Genesis 12:2-3
Here is another truth of a man of wealth, Ruth 2:3, and she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her heap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.
In both cases, the men had land and substance to afford a wife. Abram, who was later renamed as Abraham, took Sarah to marry and Boaz took Ruth to marry. Even Adam was given Eve as a wife, but not until there was the Garden that God created for Adam to keep.
We invent a fantasy man, but when he turns out not to be what we wanted, for the sake of having a man, we settle for things we know we can't live with! Now, this horrible table mannered man may not bother the next woman, but for you it is a deal breaker. Here comes the big deal breaker, that you settle for, He asked you to marry him with no car, horrible table manners and broke. Little did you pay attention too the fact, he is not ready to be in a relationship!!
Now you went and done it!! You got married to someone you didn't even like.
Part Two, I WANT A DIVORCE! You have blamed this poor man for what you did. Yes, you did it because you were willing to settle for what you didn't like, thinking love will keep us together, but YOU WERE NEVER IN LOVE!
Step one to finding God's perfectly designed man. STOP LOOKING!
OK, let me share my own mess, so you don't think I am trying to beat you up. I did the same thing, so I have a license called "experience to speak" on the matter.
Proverbs 18:22,
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Ladies, you do not have to look for a man, God will send him your way, so rest in the Lord and trust Him, do not lean to your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5,
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Step two to finding God's perfectly designed man. Put God first!
Luke 12:31,
But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.
When we seek after God, He will order our footsteps and direct our path, He will give us light to see and make the road perfect.
Psalms 17:5,
Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
Proverbs 3:6,
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Psalms 119:105,
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Yes Lord!!
Step three in finding God's perfectly designed man. Be where God tells you to be!
When God has finished His perfect work in you, and the man He has for you, you need to be where He has called you to be, and God will give the man eyes to find you.
Now there was a woman named Ruth, whose husband died. She decided to follow her mother-in-law to a strange land, but it was the land of her mother-in-laws kin. Read her story:
And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter.
And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her heap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.
And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The LORD be with you. And they answered him, The LORD bless thee.
Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? Ruth 2:2-5
See ladies, Ruth did not go out to find a husband, she was where she should have been and the man found her. OK let's finish the story, fast forward to what the man did after he saw her and inquired of her:
And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter.
And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.
And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The LORD be with you. And they answered him, The LORD bless thee.
Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?
See ladies, you never know who might be watching you and asking about you.
Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens:
Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.
Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?
And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.
Ruth was giving a good report to Boaz!
The first thing the man did was provide for her, by allowing her to come get what ever see wanted from his field and drink the water that his men drew. She didn't have to go get her own water from the well. Next, Ruth humbled herself before Boaz. She didn't get high minded or try to act like she was all that, no she submitted!
Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens.
Thirdly, the man Boaz invited her to dinner and she didn't have to pay half. Something else I want to point out, Ruth was poor, she came with nothing and started working in a low position. This new age generation seems to have forgotten God's ways. The men now want the woman to work and pay bills. God's perfectly designed man will see you among the women, and you will catch his eye; he will inquire of you, he will provide for you, even though you have yet to marry him, and he will quench your thirst without you lifting a finger.
Let's read some more, it is getting good! Boaz told his men to leave some extra for her to glean. He not only let her come get what she wanted, he made sure she got extra!! Yes ladies, this is how a man should come and approach you and never come empty handed.
Listen to what Boaz tells his men, And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.
Wooh hoo! Yes ladies, this is a good man.
Proverbs 10:22,
The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.
Fourth thing to finding God's perfectly designed man of God. Bless the man with your words!
Ruth blessed Boaz with these words: The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.
Ruth's act of kindness got her that first date! Look at what Boaz said right after Ruth blessed him with her words. And Boaz said unto her, at mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left.
Next, Ruth listened to the counsel of her elder, Naomi the mother-in-law. The new generation of woman have taken a deaf ear to the wisdom of older women. Ladies, save yourselves some heart ache and find you a good, wise, godly woman to listen too. Naomi gave Ruth these instructions:
Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.
And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.
And she said unto her, All that thou sayest unto me I will do.
And she went down unto the floor, and did according to all that her mother in law bade her.
And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.
And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.
And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.
And he said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedest not young men, whether poor or rich.
And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requires: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.
Hallelujah!! Ruth got her man and she didn't have to have sex with him to get him.
Finally, Boaz asked for Ruth's hand in marriage.
So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.
Amen! God had already designed a perfect man for Ruth, and she had been married before. A miss teaching has gone on far too long. Most churches have women thinking that once you are no longer married, you should never remarry. We just read the book of Ruth, that she had been married before, but her husband was dead, which gave her a right to marry gain. The other case that has been mis-taught is if you were married, and the spouse is still living, you can't marry again. Not true! Many have married, but it was not ordained of God. What God put together let no man put asunder. The key of truth is what God put together and not what man puts together.
1 Corinthians 7:39,
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Mark 10:9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Finally, don't look for a perfect mate, God's man will find you.
The perfectly designed man ma be an Adam keeping the garden, in other words a farmer. Or, your perfectly designed man may be a Boaz and own his business. The perfectly designed mate my be a Abram and has had other wives and has children, but they were not his, you are. Which ever way God chooses to give you in marriage, rest assure it will be blessed. There may be disagreements, but you will both be quick to forgive and love unconditionally, but when you marry the wrong person, it is tormenting!
The mate for you is not about the physical, it is about the spiritual and in that, you will be able to help each other in ministry. The relationship should be on one accord and allow the river of heaven to flow in you, and out of your belly a living water will pour out unto people. The witness of God, should be seen in your marriage. Free tip: stay in shape! Be a bride or husband that makes your spouse be proud to have you on their arm. Eat healthy, exercise, groom and dress neat. Amen
Waiting on God,
Pam J
